Level of trust

I recently started swapping childcare with a parent whom I don't yet know very well.  It made me wonder - how do we determine who is a safe person with whom to leave our children?  Does it all just come down to intuition?  In a traditional baby-sitting or daycare setting the parent would interview the potential caregiver, ask for references, observe them working with children, etc. before deciding whether or not to leave their child in that care. In a sense, that's just what this mommy and I did with each other, informally.

We already had some knowledge of each other - we are both part of the same parenting group, and consequently vouch to have similar ideas about parenting (namely attachment theory), and have some acquaintances in common.  To me this is roughly equivalent to having good references.  We had met once before on a morning walk around the park (scheduled by our parenting group), and had talked about swapping childcare then.  We planned a play date at her house to get to know each other better.  Our children played and we talked, and each observed how the other interacted with the kids and how they worked together.  I saw that she was gentle and attentive, and that her house was clean and safe.

Later that week she came with her two younger children to my house to watch my daughter while I got some work done.  It was a lovely day and I choose to work in our 'shop,' in the backyard, leaving the back door open so I could listen.  I wondered how my daughter would do being left with this near stranger - she didn't blink.  Over the course of the next hour I heard a few toddler issues, all of which resolved quickly, a couple "Mama?" "Mama?" from my girl wondering where I was, and a whole lot of singing, drum banging, and the pitter patter of happy, busy little feet.  I assume that in the time I was gone this mama evaluated my house for safety and 'togetherness,' just as I had done hers.

I now feel very comfortable leaving my child in her care (next time, I'm going to the cafe!), and hope she feels equally comfortable with me.  It makes me realize though - setting up an informal network of childcare providers does require some initial input of time with each participating family.  But in the long run I gain friends and trusted helpers in addition to having some time to myself.  Not to mention - seeing different ways that people organize their houses for their kiddos, and seeing what kinds of toys my daughter gravitates to in other people's houses, is enormously useful in terms of setting up our own lives here in our 900 square feet.